Based on my previous episode, did you take on a 24 hour challenge of saying no to any request you receive? In case you took on the challenge, did you feel that you can manage your time better, be more productive and have less stress could lie in one simple skill: Saying no.
Most people have way more to do than they can possibly fit into their workweek. The smartest ones are constantly reprioritizing their to-do lists. To stop more things, or the wrong things, from creeping onto your list, you have to start saying no. We should use our time and energy wisely. And that means we can’t do everything.
Saying no makes the difference between a packed schedule and an open one. It makes the difference between having too many tasks and having just the right amount. It makes the difference between working crazy hours and hitting deadlines without stress.
But saying no can be tough. You might feel uncomfortable saying no because you worry about upsetting people, looking like you can’t handle your workload, or missing out on opportunities both now and in the future.
So how exactly do you say no? I looked back at several HBR articles on the topic of saying no, and here’s what I found.
Evaluate the task. When you say yes or no to a request, you’re deciding where to invest your personal resources, so give the choice careful consideration. That starts with insisting on a well-defined request. Sometimes the request is sloppy, so you misunderstand. That’s why it’s important to get the critical details about the request. It doesn’t mean you’re agreeing to the ask. It simply signals that you’re taking your counterparts’ needs seriously, whether you can help or not. You should ask questions and take notes, clarifying every aspect of the request, including the costs and benefits. Identify what’s important to you and acknowledge what’s not. If you don’t know where you want to spend your resources, you won’t know where you don’t want to spend them.
Say no to the request, not the person. Make it clear that you are just declining the request, not rejecting the person making that request. You can do this by expressing your respect for that person — admiring that person’s work or passion or generosity. Acknowledge the impact your “no” has — it might mean that the other person has to do the task herself or find someone else to do it. Therefore, show your respect by simply being polite and having empathy for the situation the other person is in.
Although saying no is straightforward, this doesn’t mean it’s easy. Sometimes you need to respond with more than “No, thank you”. But too often people give lightweight reasons and hold back the real reason they’re saying no. But the little, self-deprecating explanations don’t convince the person making the request. Such explanations are easily batted aside. Instead, give a real, clear and short explanation for why you can’t do what you’ve been asked to. This makes the “no” much easier to swallow and harder to object to. You might already be too busy or feel that you can’t do the task well. Therefore, whatever the real reason behind your decision is, be candid and straightforward.
However, don’t overexplain. Don’t give a list of reasons for saying no because doing this won’t help you convince the other person. Too much information can lead to too much discussion. And it erodes your position. For example, your boss asks you to work this Saturday but you’ve a nephew’s birthday party to attend. In this case, don’t say, “I can’t work next Saturday because I’m going to my nephew’s birthday party,”. The boss might argue, “But you’ll be home by 6 p.m. Have the party then.” Now you are into an argument that’s debatable. Say instead, “I can’t work on this Saturday because I’ve an important family obligation that I can’t change.” And stick to it.
If you want to maintain a positive relationship with the person whose request you are turning down, you can offer a lifeline. You can do this by asking the other person if there’s a small way that you can be helpful in the task without taking on a full project. Maybe you can attend brainstorming sessions, read first drafts, or simply serve as a sounding board. Perhaps you can help the other person think through who else would be up to the task or how to get it started? Even in saying no, you want to convey that you are empathetic and supportive.
Sometimes, it can be more complicated when we have to say no to a person in a position of authority, particularly someone who might misinterpret your no as disrespect. In this case, it can be helpful to ask permission to say no. This allows you to honor their authority while maintaining your integrity. Sometimes you’ll have to educate your manager on what saying yes would mean. Will another task be delayed? Will you have to hire a contractor to handle another project? In most cases, the manager will feel obligated to hear you out. If in case, the manager doesn’t want to listen to your reservations, you get to decide if this is an environment you want to spend a significant part of your life in.
Keep practicing. It might be a specific request from your colleague that you need to build up the courage to turn down or you’ve simply fallen into the trap of pleasing others by saying yes too often, rehearsing what you will say will be helpful. Brainstorm how you’ll show empathy, explain your logic, and stay firm. You can write down what you’re going to say and practice it a few times. Consider preparing for different scenarios: What if the person pushes back or asks this same question differently? How will you respond? To get better at saying no, practice saying it out loud — either alone, behind closed doors, or with a trusted friend or colleague. Your tone should be clear and your demeanor diplomatic. You can start by 24 hours no challenge. It sounds crazy but building your no muscle helps.
Learning the art of saying ‘no’ is important to have a healthy and successful life. Thankfully, it’s a skill you can build and the tips I’ve shared can help. Keep learning and practicing!
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